Project Sparrow
by Mythical Assassin
Summary: Captain Jack Sparrow is on boared the Black Pearl when a girl turns up in his room going for the hole 'Interview with a pirate' thing. No pairing, no Mary-Sue, Just Conversation, fun and lots of Rum.
1. The Start

Captain Jack Sparrow stood at the helm of his ship The Black Pearl. Starring out at the wide Caribbean Sea stretched before him. Quietly humming his new favorite song, the one Elizabeth had taught him back on that Island. Oh that Island. Yes, he had even planed on going back to it, once he saved the Pearl, to get all that fine Rum out from that cellar. No use now, that self-centered girl having burnt it. To bad really...  
  
Thinking of all that lost Rum was starting to make Jack thirsty, so he called AnnaMaira over so he could go down to his cabin and get a little something to drink.  
  
Of course a 'little something' alwes seemed to turn itself in to long half true stores about the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow, or waking up the next morning with a few new possessions. These possessions can rang from Hats to Donkeys and even a new boat from time to time. Thing is, all these possessions usually turn out to be stolen, funny what the subconscious mind does isinit?  
  
Walking in to he cabin he was startled by a girl siting on his bed. Now this is not such an uncommon thing, but this far out to sea it had to make one suspicious. Beside that, she did not look like a stowaway, they had been at sea for about five days now and after that much time you start being not so healthy, he should know, having stowed away more then a few times himself.  
  
But being a Pirate and a Captain at that, you have to keep up appearance at least part of the time.  
  
So he was about to open his mouth and demand what she was doing on his ship, when she looked up from a black thing siting on her lap and said.  
  
"Captain Jack Sparrow? Hello, my pen name is Mythical Assassin, you can call me Myth. I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me, would you like some Rum?" With that, she held out a dark colored bottle that had been siting beside her.  
  
Unfazed by this rush of words he excepted the bottle and flashed a gold toothed smile. Saying, "And how did you come to be aboard young miss?"  
  
"I'm sorry, that's classified information, what I can tell you is that I am working for a society that asks fictional characters, such as your self, questions about there every day life to further help create stores."  
  
After saying all that she was not a bit out of breath, so he made the assumption that this was a pretty common thing for her, and that this was what she was told to say. So he made it his goal to try and give her something she was not used to.  
  
"And you expect me to believe all this stuff you say is true, and not something you came up with to keep me from just throwing you over-bored?"  
  
"When was the last time you where going to be hung?" She asked innocently.  
  
"Is that a threat lass? 'Tis not a smart thing to be threatening pirates." He said, his voice low as he placed his right hand on the pistol tucked in to his belt.  
  
"It's not a threat, if you come have a look at this, you will see that I am not making up everything I say." The lass waved a hand at the black thing in her lap. "This is called a lap-top computer, it can play things called DVD's."  
  
He came and sat down on the bed beside her, only to see that that black thing had a lot of numbers written on the bottom half of it, and some kind of moving picture on the top. He took a closer look at the picture only to see that it was him, standing on the mast of the Jolly Mon when he was coming in to Port Royal a few week ago!  
  
"This is a Movie called Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl. It is the story of how you and Mr. Will Turner saved Miss Swann from Barbossa, and got the Black Pearl back." She explained.  
  
"Where did you get this?" He asked, deciding that this would be a good time to try out that Rum that she had gives him earlier.  
  
"Wall-Mart." She replied automatically, then added. "It comes with the job, speaking of which, would you mind answering some questions now?  
  
Waving the bottle dramatically, he said. "Ask away."  
  
~*~*~  
  
See?! See?! This is what happens when you drink half a liter of flat Pepsi!  
  
So do you get what I am trying do here? Kind of like a Q&A for Jack, but I am hopeing to get a bit more story in then that, so it's not just a Q&A, Q&A, I want it to have more conversation. So what I need from you is Questions to ask him! Just Review or E-mail me send in you Questions and I will put them in the next chapter!  
  
Thank you, Myth. 


	2. Can I get a Hell Yeah?

Waving the bottle dramatically, he said. "Ask away."  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Thank you, I'll start with the questions from the society and then move on to the questions that will be E-mailed to me." The girl said as she clicked a few more buttons on her 'Lap top', making a white screen pop up with a lot of writing on it.  
  
"And how long are you expecting this to take? I hope you know that I don't have all year. There is a lot of other things I might be doing besides answering your questions." Captain Sparrow said, flashing another gold toothed smile as he draped an arm around her shoulders.  
  
She blushed slightly before getting a hold on her self and removing his arm from her with two fingers, as one would remove a large bug that they would rather have squashed.  
  
"As is there a lot of things I would rather be doing, but not with you." She finished, scooting a little away from him.  
  
Jack scooted back closer to her. "Well if you ever change you mind luv..."  
  
"I assure you, I wont. Now please, can we keep this on a professional level Mr. Sparrow?"  
  
Taking another drink of rum, "That's Captain Sparrow, Captain. If you can't get that right, then don't even bother trying to ask any questions."  
  
"My apologies. But speaking of which, I'll start with the first question. Why do you insist on being called Captain? Isn't it just a title?"  
  
Jack was taken aback. "'Just a title?' Just a title?' No it is not 'just a title'. Well it is but it's more then that. It's what I am, it's what the Pearl is, and it's freedom, the power to go where you want. It's leverage over people who are just a sailor, or just a pirate. Do you get what I am trying to say?"  
  
All this was said with the waving of arms in a dramatic fashion, causing Myth to have to duck at random points to keep from getting waked over the head. "Yes, what your trying to say is that it's a title, right?"  
  
"No! It's..." he sighed, rolling his eyes in mock frustration. "All right, next question."  
  
"Okay, How forgiving are you when your friends let you down?"  
  
"Well I like to think I'm pretty forgiving. It really depends on what they did. For example: Will, he hit me over the head knocking me out and risking my life! But I still tried to help him!"  
  
Myth frowned, "From what I saw, you were just using him as leverage to get the Pearl back."  
  
Jack winced remembering that part. "Well yes, that to. But it would have helped him! He would have gotten his bonny lass back and they would have all their little brats just like I'm sure they wanted. But no, he had to get all 'hero' on us, and get us left on that god forsaken island. Seriously, sometimes I wonder how he is doing up there." Jack taped his scull with one ringed finger. "A few to many pounds of the hammer if you ask me, and I bet that three hours a day of practicing did not help anything."  
  
"I see, and what about Barbosa? You did not seem very forgiving with him."  
  
"Well, will just let that be a warning to people, if you touch me ship, then..." Jack mimed shooting a gun.  
  
Myth shivered a little at the look that came is to Jack's eyes she mentioned Barbosa, the smirk left, and the light in his eyes seemed to dim, it was a look that you would hate to have directed at you. Luckily it was directed at a sad looking floorboard. Few!  
  
Wanting to change the subject, Myth skipped to the last thing on her list. "What's your favorite color?"  
  
"What?" Jack seemed surprised at getting such a simple question. To hell with it, if it got his mind off of darker things, it's good enough for me.  
  
"Colors." She prompted, mentally hitting her self for the stupid question. "Which one is your favorite?"  
  
"Um, well you might expect me to say Red, or Black, because I wear Red, and then you have the Black Pearl. But I would have to say a light clear blue." The light came back in to his eyes as he explained this.  
  
"Why blue?" In fact she had been expecting him to answer black, which was one of the reasons she was not going to ask the question, the other reason was that she though the question was immature.  
  
Oh well, if it looks obvious, and it smells obvious, then you still better tasted it. Especially when dealing with Jack Sparrow.  
  
"Blue, because it is the color of the sea, and that can take you all most any where you want to go.  
  
"I guess that does make cents. All right, the next question is... Oh Shit." A picture of a scull and cross bones just appeared on the screen.  
  
Jack leaned over. "What's that?" He asked. "Your computer being attacked by pirates?"  
  
"Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit. Yeah something like that, the computer just got a virus, damn, it deleted every thing I had open before the anti-virus program got it." Myth sighed in annoyance. "Christ, I hate it when that happens, you'd thing they would give me some better software. But no, that would be to nice."  
  
"Well congratulations."  
  
"About what?!" She snapped. Uh oh, here comes that bad mood again, do they have Advil yet?  
  
"I was starting to wonder if you knew how to swear, though I might have to teach you a few lessons."  
  
"On swearing?" She demanded, glaring at him.  
  
"Or other things, if you want..." He let that trail off as he smirked at her.  
  
Myth just rolled her eyes, "I'm going to try and ignore that comment."  
  
"You don't have to." He assured her, if it was assurances.  
  
"Anyway, I guess will just have to move on to the E-mailed questions." She said as she typed some more on her computer.  
  
"Take your time, Luv." Jack replayed, leaning back on his bed and taking another drink of rum.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Okay, people I can't make a chapter out of one question! You have to give me a little help here! So send me some more!!! I cant wait!!!!  
  
You can E-mail me at Mythical_Assassin@yahoo.com Or you can IM me at AntiUnsociable on MSN. You can also put it in a review, what every you like best!!  
  
Can I get a Hell Yeah? 


	3. Maybe a Heck Yeah then?

Do you know what I hate? Computers. Horrible things they are. Sure, everyone that knows how to use them likes them, and I know how to use them, but they are such a pain in the ass!  
  
You know what else I hate? Pirates. Especially the cocky ones. Right about now I would just love to do an interview with a good old Captain Hook. But no, the Powers That Be have decided that they hate me. Just last week I was stuck doing an interview with the Tellytubbys. That was sad. Good thing Nunu was there to keep me from killing that baby sunshine. I'm a sucker for vacuum cleaners.  
  
At least non of the Tellytubbys had tried to come on to me, though that Dipsy one is kind of sick.  
  
Currently I am trying to find more questions to ask Sparrow. At the moment there is only two E-mails in my mailbox. Two E-mails, same person, one question. Damn, how am I going to make this last? Guess I just have to make up some of my own, that color one worked surpassingly well.  
  
"So Jack, um, is Will Turner really a eunuch?" Yep that's a good one.  
  
"On a first name bases now? That didn't take long." He drained the rest of the rum out of the bottle I brought.  
  
"Would you rather I call you Captain? I don't mind ether way."  
  
"No, Jack's fine, you can save the Captain stuff 'till later."  
  
Later? No Why in hell bud. Well you know, It might be kind of fun... NO! Nonononono, hell no. Strictly agents the rules. Now usually I am not really one for the rules, but on this job if you value your life and/or sanity you will follow the rules. Else you are likely to get dropped with an interview of a soldier missing an arm in the middle of a World War Two battlefield. Or have to ask Barney about his love life.  
  
Just to keep myself from thinking about Ja- Captain Sparrow I started humming the 'I Love You' song.  
  
There we go, all better.  
  
"Are you going to answer the question?"  
  
He got up from the bed and walked across the room. "No."  
  
"No? All right, I realize that was a bit of a rude question. How about..."  
  
"No. No more questions 'till you get over here and have some Rum." He pulled another bottle out of a chest and sat down on one of the chars beside a small table.  
  
"Um, I'm not legally old enough to drink..." Never stopped me before. But it was another one of the rules.  
  
He waved his arm in exasperation. "Lass, you're on a pirate ship, live a little!"  
  
Lucky for me that rule can be bent. All right, completely broken. But as long as I get enough questions answered then the bosses are happy.  
  
So I sat down opposite from him, laptop still in hand. He passed me a cup and filled it with rum. "Will you answer the question now?"  
  
"Drink up." He said for a reply. That got me a bit suspicious, but if it was drugged it would not work nearly as good on me. Not that I'm special, work's with everyone, it's a crossing to different dimensions thing. If it was supposed to kill me instantly, then it would only give me a killer headache. No not literally.  
  
So I shrugged and decided to take a drink. Now, Rum is not me favorite kind of alcohol, the first sip seems to me like I'm drinking Nail Polish Remover. After that it's not to bad. I happen to like wine better. "So about Will?"  
  
"Will, yes, now I don't have any proof about that, but a lot of the time you can see it in the face, it's like..." He's hands wondered around in the air, in a very non-descriptive way.  
  
"So you're not sure?"  
  
"No, I suggest you ask Elizabeth if you have the chance. She'd know." It looked like he was deciding if they had long enough to get married yet. They seemed like the type to wait.  
  
I nodded, making a mental note to mention that to the bosses. And now that I think about it, this is pretty good rum. I was getting a nice buzz off the stuff. I'll have to try and take a bottle of the stuff home with me. And cents my mind is on that track I guess I'll answer that one question I have in my mailbox.  
  
"Okay, Jack I have a question from some one named Osparrow, they are wondering how you became so obsessed with Rum. A good question really, from what I have read most Pirates like Grog better."  
  
"Well for one, I like their name. Should be more like it." He stared off in to the distance, a big grin on his face. Imagining everyone named after him. "And Rum is my favorite because, One, the taste is really good. And Two, when your stuck on a Island with only Rum keeping you from dying from dehydration, and for company, you have two choices as I see it, you can decide that you like rum, or you can decide that you hate it. Now that I'm off the Island I still feel a little obligated to like it, it did save my life after all."  
  
I nodded, understanding perfectly. It's like me and my computer, the thing drives me mad, and I want to bash the thing agents a rock wall until there is only tiny little bits left. But it is still my only way out of here so I will refrain from doing that until I get home then I can do it and blame it on the dog. Yep, exactly the same.  
  
"And Grog, well, it's good now and then, but it's mostly for if you don't have the money to get something better, like rum."  
  
Good answer, though I'd hoped it would take him a bit longer. Guess it's time to refer to my handy dandy 'Book of Questions'.  
  
"When were you last in a fight? What caused it and who won?" I had picked the question at random but it was fairly fitting.  
  
"Hmm, well that was about two days ago, the caused probably had something to do with the fact that this is a pirate ship and it was a merchant ship. I think it was called the Inkblot. As you can see, cents there is not a new skylight in my cabin, we won." I glanced up at the ceiling out of habit to make sure there was in not a skylight present.  
  
"Okay, and how about verbally? Have you gotten in an argument with anyone lately?"  
  
He thought about it for a second then nodded, "Yes, me and AnnaMaria, same day, she though it best to come up on the Inkblot's Port side when wen I though the Starboard side was better. I won. You see? Perfect example that 'Captain' is more then just a title."  
  
"Are you saying that you don't have any negotiation skills? Just the fact that you are a Captain is good enough?"  
  
"Quite the contrary luv, my negotiation skills are as good and anyone's, if not better. Being a Captain just adds a bit more of an edge to it." Damn those smile, I don't know how, but that gold just seems to amplify it. Time to kick in emergency measures. Hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm- hmm-hmm-hmmm. Eyck. That song is pure evil. At least it works.  
  
He leaned across the table, staring in to my eyes, the smile still on his lips... then pored more rum in to my cup.  
  
"Come on luv, the Rums not going to drink it self." I wish it would, I think the stuff is starting to go to my head.  
  
"Questions! I'm asking Questions!"  
  
"That's way you're here luv." I know that! I did... do! I. Do. Know. That. Yep.  
  
"Why is the sky blue?" Genius, pure genius.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
So how 'bout it peeps? I'm running out good questions to ask!  
  
Now lets try this again, I say 'Can I get a Hell Yeah?' you say HELL YEAH! Or of you want to go all religious on me I'll take a 'Heck Yeah' too... 


	4. No Yeah at all?

Project Sparrow:  
  
When you are the captain of a well known pirate ship such as the Black Pearl it comes with a few perks, like you get to tell everyone what to do, and when to do it. It all so comes with its difficulties. They usually are manageable, like a storm that comes out of nowhere, a merchant ship giving you a bit of trouble, or a rebellious crew (Some troubles are not as charming as others). This kind of thing you learn to handle.  
  
But there are other difficulties as well. The truly strange ones are a little harder to handle, this is when you can tell the real captains from the frauds.  
  
Like when you come across cursed gold: some Captains would spend the next ten years trying to brake the curse. Others would use it to there advantage, and wait to brake it 'till the opportune moment.  
  
Or when the rum runs out: a mediocre Captain might think it was the end of the world! An intelligent Captain would have a hidden stash to be available in a crisis.  
  
And this for example: Some strange lass shows up in his cabin offering rum and wanting to ask some questions. A Captain might run away screaming...that or try to kill her.  
  
I on the other hand, am not a mediocre Captain. In fact I am probably one of the most sensible people you may ever meet. Though I'd never let you know it at the time.  
  
This lass, for an example: I'm now just about positive she thinks I am completely irresponsible or drunk, at times both. But it takes a lot more then one bottle of Rum to get old Jack drunk.  
  
Speaking of her, she suddenly jumped up out of her chair (at which she had been busy typing away at her 'computer') with a shout.  
  
"What's wrong with you luv? Something bite you on the ass?" He looked down at the seat, checking for any bold rats or other annoying creatures (He tried to keep the ship clean as possible, but the bloody things still get on some how).  
  
"What?! Oh, No! No not at all, that shout was a good thing! I finally have some more questions for you!" For some unknown reason getting to ask more questions really seamed to make her happy. Like now. With that grin on her face, she might be best described as a patient resonantly escaped from an insane asylum.  
  
"Ahh, joy. How many?"  
  
"Umm, lets see... blablabla...six! Why? You don't sound very exited."  
  
With a sigh, he set his cup of rum down on the table and threw his arms up in the air. "Listen luv, I have better things to do then sit around answering questions all week. And I'm pretty sure you do to. So, how about you just ask these last questions, then you go back where ever it is you came from, Savvy?" he finished all that with a smile, trying to soften his words a little.  
  
Because, well think about it! If she could appear out of nowhere, and then have something that showed what he had been doing for the past couple of weeks, what else could she do?  
  
And failing that he might be able to get another bottle of rum out of her.

:)(::)(:

Finally! Christ, It took him long enough! Having to wait for the subject your interviewing to tell you to leave can be a real pain in the ass.  
  
See, the 'Powers that be' have a strict policy about that (Yep, another one). Ether we have to wait for 'em to tell us to leave or for them to die. Now don't even think about killing them, that don't work ether. You kill them, or have them killed, then your cut off. They just leave you there.  
  
And you know, a lot of the time if you kill someone then his or her friends are not very happy with you. So you're screwed ether way.  
  
"So you want me to leave?" Just say 'yes' don't listen to what thoughts stupid commercials say. Ha! I'm the Investigator!  
  
Damn I need a new job.  
  
He winced sliding back in his chair as if worried I might try to slap him. Buddy, right about now you should be more worried about me hugging you. "You can ask me a few more questions, and then you leave. Do we have an accord?"  
  
"Sure!" I said brightly, "How many is a 'few'?"  
  
He waved one hand in the air well taking another drink of rum with the other. "Six? That's how many I believe you said."  
  
"Yep! Okay, here is Number one:" Typed a few more buttons bringing the page up. "Captain Savvy Sparrow asked 'Where do you get all the kohl you put around your eyes?'"  
  
"Well first things first. Nice name. Where did you get it? And second, Where the hell do you think I get the kohl?!?! You think it just grows on trees?"  
  
"Well technically..." I said, about to add that, in a way, it DID grow on trees, if you think about it. But before I could say it,  
  
"Shut up." Jack gave me a glare, kohl rimed eyes and all. "Yes I know where kohl comes from, thank you. It's just that this person with the nice name does not seem to realize that it comes from a FIRE. Yes, you put the wood in and it comes out kohl. Got it? Next question please."  
  
That went over well.  
  
"Here are some from BJH. Who asked 'Why did they name the city 'Tortuga'? Did it have something to do with the dastardly turtles?'"  
  
Jack looked confused. "The what?"  
  
"The Turtles! You know! The ones you said saved you from that god forsaken island? She also said that Tortuga means turtles in Spanish."  
  
"Oh! Yes, the turtles! I thought you meant some other ones... Yes, after my triumphant return to Tortuga, or as it was called then, umm, Spitvil, the Spaniards living in the area decided to rename the town in my honor."  
  
I'm not sure but as he got up to get more rum I thought I heard him say 'Have 'ta tell that one to Scarlet, she'll love it.'  
  
"The next question is 'Where did Will Turner get that foofy hat?'"  
  
"To tell you the truth luv, I don't know. You'd have to ask him. Me on the other hand, I'm not in the habit of killing whole Peacocks just for a hat. I mean, just look at that thing! Had to have taken up at least two Peacocks! And just think of the seeing hazard that presents! If not for him then the people standing behind him!"  
  
All right, personally I think Captain Sparrow is just trying to say 'Peacock' as many times as he could think of.  
  
Running a finger down the computer screen looking for the right question. "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"  
  
After considering it for a second. "African or European?"  
  
"African or European what?"  
  
"The swallow." He explained, as if to a child... or a slow parrot.  
  
"Well, it doesn't say."  
  
Now getting exasperated. "Darling, how am I supposed to give you a good answer, when you can't even give me a sufficient question!"  
  
"Well, I don't know! Just pick one of them!"  
  
"Don't you think it's a bit lacking in social grace for me to just pick one?"  
  
"Well I guess..."  
  
Jack smiled "Shall we move on to the next question?"  
  
"Okay-Dokay, moving on. They ask: 'Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?'" Well that one hit a cord, he almost looked scandalized, and let me tell you, it's a hard thing to scandalize a pirate.  
  
"Where did you get that idea? I never said a thing like that! But you know, if you think about it, they could be carried..." He added with a bit of a smile. "Now correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that the sixth question?"  
  
Sighing I inclined my head in a nod, opening my mouth to agree but was interrupted by a shout from outside the Captain's quarters.  
  
"Captain Sparrow! Where coming up on _Isla de Muerta_!"  
  
A grin spit Jack's face, "Splendid." He murmured. "It's been lovely chatting with you luv, but I really must be going." He turned away from the girl to pick up his hat from the table, and when he turned back siting in her place was a full bottle of Rum. Attached to it was a note, it read: _It has been lovely talking with you as well, Captain. Enjoy the rum, Myth._  
  
With a swig of rum and a laugh, Captain Jack Sparrow headed up deck to collect some treasure. 

The End.

(:):(:):(:)

At this point Jack and myself would like to give a tip of the hat to the Monty Python group. Cheers.  
  
With a sigh, I am sad to admit that in fact, no mater how much I would like to, Pirates of the Caribbean does not belong to me. I could not afford to by it with my two cents, so I decided to put them here (Get it? Two cents? Ha!).  
  
Thank you to everyone that offered questions, if not for you I would still be asking him what his favorite color is, and that gets old fast.  
  
On the other hand, if you liked this fic (And if you did not, why are you still here?) I'm planing to write more fics like this in a range of different categories, so keep an eye out for them! Suggestions are welcome!  
  
Myth. 


End file.
